she picked up my phone, saw the little red number sitting on the Robinhood icon, and asked what it meant. and I panicked and said it was "just how the app displays things sometimes." like it's a notification count. like it's emails.
it is not how the app displays things. it is very specifically the dollar amount I'm currently down on a leveraged ETF position I sort of forgot to fully explain to her when I opened it. a 3x fund I have no business being in, glowing red on my home screen for her to find.
she nodded. said "oh, ok." and here's the thing, I don't think she believed me for a second. she's smarter than that. but neither of us has brought it up since, and that silence is so much worse than a fight would've been. the red number's still there. it's gotten bigger. we don't talk about the red number