Here's my actual religious life, laid out honestly: I don't go on festivals. I skip the Tuesdays everyone else shows up for. The calendar means nothing to me.
I go when I'm afraid. That's it. That's the trigger. Exam results coming in, a job interview in the morning, my dad's test reports sitting in an envelope I can't open. Fear walks me to that temple every single time, and nothing else does.
And standing there, I feel like a complete fraud. Like I'm some fair-weather believer showing up to collect a favor, ignoring the place entirely the rest of the year until I need something. I can practically feel the hypocrisy of it while I'm mid-prayer.
But I keep going anyway. Because apparently when I'm truly scared, some old reflex older than my logic drags me there regardless of whether I've earned the right to ask for anything. Maybe that's not faith. Maybe it's just fear looking for somewhere to sit. I haven't figured out the difference yet.