My father and I have a complicated relationship. Two years ago, I told him I had an unavoidable work trip on his birthday. There was no trip. I stayed home, ordered food, and ignored my phone because I simply didn't have the emotional energy to sit through another family gathering pretending everything between us was fine.
He told relatives he was proud that my career was going so well. That part hurt more than I expected. We still haven't addressed our problems, and he still believes I missed his birthday because of work. Sometimes avoidance feels easier in the moment and much heavier afterward.